When our firstborn turned one, I decided to do a farm-themed party in honor of his love of animals and tractors, complete with a homemade barn cake. This was the first theme cake I'd ever attempted and I had no inkling that no matter how many bottles of red food coloring you add to butter cream frosting, it will remain pink.

In addition to the color issue, in all the stress of preparations for the party, only a square pan and lone cupcake emerged unscathed from the inferno of that house's ancient convection oven I never quite figured out how to operate.. The visual effect of stacking the cupcake on the main cake slathered in pink butter cream was of a Barbie military tank, so I added a plastic straw to complete the effect. Happy 1st Birthday, Baby!

That was a pretty awful cake, but at least I was an amateur. Cake Wrecks is a blog dedicated to professionally decorated cakes that went very, very wrong along the way like an incredibly graphic baby shower cake or a unique "weeding" cake. The more I explore this blog, the better I feel about that tank/barn so many years ago!

The creator of cake wrecks would love to spotlight your professional cake disasters, so feel free to send them an email and photos of your funny/tacky/horrific cakes and let the laughter helpn to aid your healing!

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My daughter announced recently that she wants her next birthday party to be held at the beach. Great idea, I think, except that she was born in the middle of winter. Still, wouldn't that be an easy birthday party? Except for the sand in the cake, of course.

Here are a handful of tips for your child's next birthday party, guaranteed fun with less stress:

My son attended a birthday party where guests were asked to bring an unwrapped toy to donate to the fire fighter's toy drive rather than a present for the birthday girl. She had plenty of toys already and liked helping those less fortunate. Halfway through the party we all traipsed down the block to the firehouse to donate the toys. I thought it was a fantastic idea.

Apparently, my son's friend was quite the trendsetter. Parents are eschewing the traditional excess of the child's birthday party, simplifying and greening the events. "We're not saying children shouldn't celebrate," said Alison Smith, whose company, ECHOage, helps parents organize less wasteful, more philanthropic parties. "It's just about making it more meaningful."

If you ask me, there's another advantage to donating gifts instead of keeping them: you avoid having to deal with toys that don't match what you think is appropriate for your kids -- the toy guns, the Barbies, and, yes, the toys that make way too much noise.

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Shaped like trains, numbers, and stars and filled with helium, Mylar balloons have become a colorful staple at birthday parties in recent years. Unlike traditional latex balloons, Mylar balloons can last for several weeks before deflating. Latex balloons sink and shrivel up within a day of being inflated, generally. So it's understandable why they have become such a large part of the celebration industry.

Unfortunately, there is a downside to Mylar balloons too. If released, the electrically conductive inflatables can -- and do, on a regular basis, apparently -- short out power lines, causing outages and costing businesses as much as $120 million in California alone last year. And so it is that Senate Bill 1499 is making its way through various committees on its way to becoming law. If it is passed, the bill would ban the sale of helium-filled Mylar balloons.


The Save the Balloons coalition has been formed to try and save the businesses and jobs that would be affected if the bill passes. While I do like getting the kids a decorative Mylar balloon for their birthday, I also don't like it at all when the power goes out. I suppose the best solution would be for manufacturers to come up with an alternative material that will last as long as Mylar, can be made into an equal array of shapes and, most importantly, is non-conductive.

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You know how shops are now putting your photographs on birthday cakes? You bring in a photo and they scan it and use, basically, an inkjet printer to print it out only, instead of ink, they use food coloring and, instead of paper, a thin sheet of sugar. At my nephew's last birthday party, the cake featured a picture of him dressed as Teddy Roosevelt, a few other presidents, and Spongebob. So, pretty much anything goes.

Well, almost anything. One mum thought it would be cute to put a picture of her son when he was five-months-old on the cake for his twenty-first birthday. Cute and, perhaps, a wee bit embarrassing, since the picture showed the youngster with a bare bum. Unfortunately, the folks at the store didn't find it so cute; they said the picture violated their no-nudity policy. "It was a photo of my son at five-months-old," said Gail Jordan. "I could not believe it"

Sadly, this does not surprise me. I'm not sure what has happened over the last half century or so, but a naked child is no longer seen as cute -- it's considered pornographic. I think our children's childhood is suffering because of it. Not to mention our children's twenty-first birthday parties.

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Like any good mom, Gail Jordan wanted to do something special for her son's 21st birthday. Her idea was to put a picture of her son, David, on a birthday cake. The kicker? David, who was five months old in the picture, was not wearing a diaper, so you could see his bum in the picture. The mom with a good sense of humor thought they'd have a laugh--boy was she wrong.

The Asda grocery where Gail requisitioned the cake flat out refused to produce the dessert, saying the nudie pic constituted child pornography. The powers that be (were?) at the Asda finally acquiesced and let Gail use the picture, but only after they put a Perez Hilton-like censor over the bare bum. Gail didn't have time to get another cake made up so she settled for the star-covered bum bake.

Gail said she understood the rules but that common sense should also play a part in the decision. As she points out, the world is full of ads featuring baby bottoms--namely, those for diapers and wipes. I can't imagine what Asda would make of the Coppertone ads from my childhood, where a little dog is pulling down the bikini bottom of a young blonde girl, who, by the way, wasn't even wearing a top!

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It seems to me that the best kind of gift is something that is totally cool but also totally unnecessary. Clothes are definitely a necessity; they're no fun to get. The same goes with ordinary tools-of-the-trade sort of thing, even if they're for a favorite hobby. A new set of screwdrivers, no matter how needed or nice, just isn't all that exciting, even to the serious woodworker.

On the other hand, somewhere, I have a night-vision monocular -- one half of a pair of binoculars that lets you see in the dark. It was a gift from my girlfriend at a time when such technologies were just beginning to become available. I probably used it twice at most, but it was a totally cool gift because, well, heck, we're talking night-vision! You can see why I married her, can't you?

To give you an idea of what makes a cool gift for Father's Day, here are three items I've come across that qualify as really cool gifts, with an explanation of why.

Running a successful campaign to be the Democratic nominee for the President of the United States of America. Choosing a running mate from a host of capable candidates. Navigating the waters of political controversy. All these are nothing compared to the challenge Senator Barack Obama faced last Saturday: Eight seven-year-olds will be taking over his home for a sleepover.

Why would any man subject himself to such trauma, especially when he has so much going on in his life? It's his daughter Sasha's birthday party. "These kids are planning to make pizza so who knows what our kitchen will look like," Obama said, speaking to voters in rural Virginia. At least the next (hopefully) leader of the free world was able to maintain a sense of humour about it all. "They shouldn't call these sleepovers," he said. "They should call them wake-overs."

It seems to me that negotiating with foreign leaders and fixing the economy will be child's play compared to what he went through last weekend. If indeed he survived, (has anyone heard from him since?) he'll have my vote.

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Ever looking for just the right card that expresses just how you feel but coming up with nothing? Well, then, this site may be just what you were looking for, especially if what you want to say is snotty. The site, PrettyBitter, has a special way of communicating all the things you can't, and they do so for every occasion. Needless to say, even though the birthday card is downright funny (and a little morbid, as it should be), the ones for new and impending mothers take the proverbial cake.

The comments about how my baby couldn't possibly be cuter than any other baby in the world, no matter what I think, because all babies look the same particularly resonated with me. This is because as a mother, I am pretty sure my baby is the cutest baby in the world. I say pretty sure because, you know, I have another one on the way and that one could be even cuter. Hard to tell at this point. Also humorous was the caddy way the writer had of expressing the old fat vs. pregnant joke.

If you have friends who are good for a laugh and can take a joke, I highly recommend picking up one of these little delights. It will only set you back a few dollars, which will be money well spent when you all sit around laughing about it. I was laughing so hard at one point I actually had tears rolling down my face! And don't worry--there's plenty of stuff one the site for men, too. Heaven knows the creators of PrettyBitter couldn't let an opportunity to make fun of guys go by any faster than making fun of the rest of us!

Thanks to Kristi Anderson, who got a kick out of these and knew they'd be perfect for the snarks at ParentDish, for the link!

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