There have been several studies linking women's perception of pain during labour and the things that they were told about labour by other women.

Having just experienced a relatively pain-free, unmedicated labour, I tell every woman I know.

I think it should be ,as mom always said, if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.

ou can read my birth story here
http://purplemartini.livejournal.com/92632.html

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I agree with Jackie. My own birth was un-medicated and while I won't say that there was "no pain", I will say that the only pain I *REMEMBER* is the nurse making me lay down to insert the IV, and the pain that the OB caused when instead of applying counter-pressure they attempted to pry the opening up larger around my baby's head. Oh, and when my mother in law started talking to me during the middle of a transition contraction and broke my concentration. Mucho pain there!

The rest of my labor I remember as the most intense physical workout and endorphin rush ever. My husband laughs when I say that, because apparently he remembers my "pain" quite clearly--apparently pain management techniques that keep the pain at a nice distance, also look somewhat scary to the poor guy who is watching. :)

I will say this: Lamaze breathing doesn't work? Try other types of breathing. For me, groaning/making orgasm sounds/mooing like a cow worked wonderfully. Although it was sort of odd doing that for an hour in front of everyone in the waiting room of triage. :p Not that I even noticed who was around me.

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I want to thank the both of you for your positive comments. In our culture there is so much negativity surrounding birth and it seems that during pregnancy we are constantly confronted with it. I am in my eighth month and have heard far more negative than positive comments (i.e. just take the meds (implying that I could never endure it on my own or that my body is inadequate, etc.). If I do express my wishes for a natural birth, I am made to feel naive although I am aware of all the things that can go wrong (after reading countless birth stories and so many books). What is so bad about believing that your body can do it despite the intensity? Perhaps if we encouraged soon-to-be mothers, more women would feel empowered through giving birth. This is one way to combat the sexism of the legacy of Dr. DeLee and our medicalized birth culture.

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I always try to adopt an “to each their own” attitude. I loved my fully medicated birth experience and wouldn’t do home or natural, but would also never think it’s my place to criticize or judge someone who wants to take a different approach. Personally, I was delighted by the numbing effect of my epidural, but that’s just not the kind of experience that everyone wants. And that's fine! Whatever works for you, I say!

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lol, Lisa J. I felt the same way. I didn't have an epidural, but whatever they gave me kept me pretty out of it, which is where I wanted to be. I cannot believe that there are woman who give birth without medication. I don't blame them for being VERY proud of themselves. They should be. There is no sense telling anyone what it's going to be like, they'll find out for themselves soon enough. Besides, it's so different for everyone.

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I, too, had an easy, unmedicated and pretty pain free labor. I agree with Lil Liberal that it was like an extreme workout, and that's the mindset I kept throughout labor - this won't be hurting forever, and that kept me going. In fact, that mantra was passed to me from my sister and it helped immensely. I kept thinking of the workouts/injuries I had already made it through and figured this can't be much worse and, for me, it wasn't.

For me, I wanted to hear everyone's story, because I wanted to know what to expect. It IS so different for everyone, but I think that if a friend asks you, you should be honest - if you had a good, unmedicated labor, tell them. If yours was horrible, tell them that, too. One thing we do in this (American) society is scare the crap out of other mothers-to-be with horror stories, there aren't too many good ones out there unless you ask. For me, the unknown was what was scary, so I asked everyone, and surprisingly, most of the stories I heard were of the unmedicated and "forgettable" pain type. But if I had depended on the stories offered up without asking, I would have only heard the horror stories.

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Oh, and..."don't say you don't want an epidural just yet, you can't fathom what you might need in an experience you cannot possibly understand until you're there."

...I could also say, don't say you DO want an epidural just yet, you can't fathom what you can endure and what kind of strength you possess until an experience you cannot possibly understand shows you what you are made of.

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Support her, and honor her choice. As a mom who had a non-medicated birth, i want to let you know it was not being a super-woman that gave me the strength to push on through the pain (pun!) but preparedness. We took Bradley birth classes, and found them very well rounded. They covered natural birth, but also the reality of a c-section, when it is needed, and when it is safe to try something else first. We had a birth center birth, but had a set in stone contingency plan. We did not go into it unrehearsed or impulsively, but proactive and determined. We are so very happy with our birth, and wish more women knew it was not just an option, but a very attainable reality.

I can also tell you that the friendships I had before, where the women undermined my plans or clucked their tongues at me are now strained. Parenting is hard, as you know, and you will undoubtedly make different choices about things that your friend will, so use this as practice in supporting each other despite your different experiences.

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I'm really glad your friend Carrie is aiming for a natural birth. The best thing you can do for her is support her and believe in her. While most of my friends supported my idea of a home birth, there were some people who could not keep their mouths shut about how dangerous a home birth was and how epidural was important to get through labor, etc. Like duh? I had done my research and was comfortable with my decision. My husband and I also were flexible with the possibility that things may not go as we expect. It turned out to be true...I gave birth in my garage instead of my living room because the birthing tub was leaking! ;)

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iKate wrote:
"..I could also say, don't say you DO want an epidural just yet, you can't fathom what you can endure and what kind of strength you possess until an experience you cannot possibly understand shows you what you are made of."

That was awesome! Couldn't have said it better myself.

- L

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"While I think it's really important to understand which circumstances really warrant accepting an epidural...I think it is far more important to support a woman's natural childbirth choices." Shouldn't it be equally important to support a woman's childbirth choices in any case, regardless of whether she's choosing home, natural, epidural, ect....?

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While I think it's really important to understand which circumstances really warrant accepting an epidural (been labouring longer than 24 hours and your tiredness is slowing your labour, yes, an epidural is now a realistic option, you were induced with a low Bishop's score and nothing will open your cervix, yes, perhaps it's smart to get that epidural in preparation for a c-section), I think it is far more important to support a woman's natural childbirth choices. Since fear and doubt will make pain preception greater, telling a woman she might want to think twice is really helping to set her up for failure in her goals. Warmly giving her encouragement in her pursuits will give her the knowledge that what she is doing is achievable.

I accepted no pain meds with my first and, as a previous poster has said, while it wasn't pain free, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever lived through. In fact, it was the most primally inspirational thing I've ever accomplished and having achieved my goal has inspired my larger life as a woman, a wife and a mother.

This time around, I'm following my instincts even closer and planning a homebirth. As long as my pregnancy continues to be boringly normal and baby is doing well (as was the case with my first pregnancy), then I'll be further comforted by being in a safe and loving environment.

Momcast: http://momcast.blogspot.com

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I love to hear other women's birthing stories - they are all unique, just as each child is. I didn't have medication with either of my births and went in with that intent. Sure, there was pain, but I had steeled myself for that. One went all night and I was too tired to push the next morning, but they got him out with forceps. The second labor lasted but a few hours, the doctor broke my water and he came shooting out - literally! - in about 10 minutes. In the end, they each required some intervention, and it was what seemed best at the time. Yes, it's true that no woman knows what will happen until she's living it, but I always stress the positive aspects of labor - relaxing and letting your body do the work it knows how to do. Going in with a positive mindset can only help. We all hear enough about the disasters and the medical alternatives available in case things aren't progressing, but there's no need to stress that to an expectant mom.

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I think I would advise Carrie to write her birth plan. And then think about what she might do if things DON'T go according to the plan. Hope for the best, and prepare for everything else.

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I work with mostly men, and MEN were telling me I was crazy to want an unmedicated birth. Talk about aggravating.

I didn't find the pain to be intolerable, but I wouldn't say it was joyful. It is just something you do. My doctor told me that if I hadn't been able to walk around, my labor would have been a lot more difficult for me. Let me clarify, it would have been more difficult with the epideral.

I was glad to see Dr. SMG's comment. I had a LONG labor. I wanted to stop pushing and take a nap. It is nice to know the next time around might not be so long.

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"I don't think undermining anyone's goals for labour is healthy for either of us."


Thanks, Mamaloo! I agree! My baby and I had a great experience with the epidural, but I don't think people who want to do it differently are crazy, either.

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Lisa J, that's a good point. Even with what I know about what epidural does to women and babies, if a women tells me she has decided on an epidural before even knowing what the circumstances of her labour will be, I don't ask her if she's crazy. I support her choice.

Of course, when a women expresses some ambivalence about whether or not to use pain meds, I have a lot of postive info to provide about pain med free labours, but I don't go around trying to change people's minds that are already made up and I don't think undermining anyone's goals for labour is healthy for either of us.

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Hmmm,

Glad you are being supportive for your friend. Unfortunately in the past 20 years or so, everything has gone so "medicated". I'm just so glad that I was able to have the unmedicated births that I did in the hospital. It took a lot of preparation, talking with the doctors/nurses, but it can be done.

gaileee

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Here's what I found I needed to "do" an unmedicated birth:

- Support. Most of my female relatives had gone through child birth unmedicated, and knowing that my mother had done it three times unmedicated (and two times with a spinal due to required c-sections), was a source of support. My husband was also my support--he's seen my odd reactions to pain medications and he knew that those reactions were one reason I was going to try as hard as possible to avoid them.

- Preparation. The only thing I used was the Lamaze "panting" breath, but I'm glad that both I and the husband knew the breathing options.

- Trust. I trusted my body to do it right. When my waters broke before the contractions started, I walked until contractions started and then I relaxed in my bed and told my body to do what it needed to do. When we arrived at the hospital and they wanted me to lay on my back and be monitored and my body said NO, LAY ON LEFT SIDE, I took off the monitor and laid on my left side.

It was painful. I went from 4cm to 10cm in 45 minutes. What helped me in those transition contractions was something to focus on, but not breathing--my focus point involved rhythmically hitting something (the bed, my husband . . . poor guy). But I did it, and my recovery was minimal--48 hours after birth, I and le babe took a short walk with him in the stroller; 4 days after his birth we were doing my 2 mile hike around the subdivision.

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I don't know, I had an unmedicated birth and just pretty much don't believe other women when they say their unmedicated birth wasn't painful. I mean, it certainly has positive aspects, and isn't traditional pain in the injury mode, necessarily, but to say it isn't painful is I think dishonest. I thought it was really hard, and the kind of thing you can't even really remember clearly when it is over. I screamed like a badger in a leg hold trap during transition. It is entirely something you can get through, and it is empowering, but to call it painless is not accurate or honest (or helpful to mothers-to-be).

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